Seri (xsilentserenity) wrote,

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scales of sunlight

title: scales of sunlight
pairing: onesided!eunhyuk/donghae, eunhyuk/oc
genre: angst, romance
warnings: character death
summary: “The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.”  ― J.M. Barrie, The Little White Bird
written for the wingsandfins contest on AFF; x-posted on my AFF

Scales of Sunlight
~the bond between sky and water has been severed by fate since eternities before

Our days weren’t just yesterday; they transpired further back than I should remember, and yet I can't release the past, continuing to cling onto the bonds that hold me to my time with you and the days when there was no one more important than each other. Now, as I a yearn for those days, I only have moments alone; I could watch three-thousand butterflies take to the skies, peach-colored wings fluttering like eyelashes with patterns of black inked calligraphy delicately painted, and relate to every single one, no words spoken, no emotions even shared. I would stare at the blue ocean above my reach and wonder if the butterflies knew where their fluttering would take them, and as I think about it, I smile softly and realize that these three-thousand butterflies and I are too similar, so no, they probably didn't—though that didn't stop them from flying. I would remember that there had always been the crowns of breeze pulling past our brunette locks while grins ripped at our faces and we couldn't contain our laughter, deep and resonating like the dull roar of thunder yet childish like the rustling of leaves. We would lean our backs against the stones in our field—they never did much to support us—and dip our bare feet into the sparkling water of our lake, watching as the sunlight reflected off our glistening toes. There had always been a million things I wanted to say; indeed, those million things still linger on my tongue every time I see you, but I bite the side of my cheek with increasing fever until I taste blood seeping from the cut I created, and I wonder if a cat really did catch my tongue, sinking its claws into my flesh, keeping me silent, lonely, and wishing I had the will to open my mouth and ruin our friendship.

Our friends consider us best friends, the closest of friends: something irreplaceable and forever remembered. I consider us the wind in the willows: I am the hanging branches of the moping willow tree, comforted by only the murmurs of the wind that flow throw my leaves, and you are the wind, flitting through life at its greatest potential but always ready to slow down and wrap yourself in my branches, enveloping me in your embrace while I told you stories of secrets I had heard from the whispering grass. You are my protector, but I assume you are still the only one who sees us for who we were, who we are.

(“Hyukjae, this is Donghae"; “Donghae, this is Hyukjae.")

I let a sigh escape my lips, slowly drawing itself into the crisp air. I watch it form into a mini-cloud before my eyes and breathe out another; everything is always cold without you, but even as I shift my body and smile almost ruefully, the breeze picks up just the slightest bit. I turn around to the edge of the clearing, and my smile tries to broaden, but I don't let it, allowing the sadness in my eyes to be covered by my hair being whipped wildly by the gusts while I watch you approach from my position amongst the long reed grasses.

You ruffle my hair as you reach me with a small grin on your lips. "Hey, Donghae," you greet, and I mumble an unintelligent greeting in response. Your grin widens until your upper gums show, and I prepare myself for what you're preparing to say; that smile is only for one person, a person who isn't me. "Eunmi asked her parents, and she can go on vacation with my family! Isn't that great?" you exclaim, and I can nearly feel your happiness, your joy, your unbounded love for the girl. It makes me want to cry.

I smile, or at least try to; I turn up my eyes in a false eye smile so it doesn’t look like I’m going to cry, but I end up squinting superficially, instead. You are so immersed in your own world of joy that you don’t notice the single tear cascading down my cheeks, overflowing when I scrunched my eyelids together. I flick it away with the twitch of a finger, but some of the salty water stays on my fingertip, and it shines in the glowing sunlight that does nothing to back my skin from the countering chill of the wind. As you babble to yourself about things I can’t stand to listen to, I watch a rivulet leave the offending tear stain on my skin, wishing that I could just transform into a creature with less emotion and less problems. I glance up, noticing the sunlight shimmering off the surface of water submerging my toes; the skin looks covered in rippling scales. Maybe I could be a fish, drowning my sorrows in breathless relaxation, where my tears would disappear before they could become scales in the sun.

(Or maybe I would build my scales from my tears, instead.)

“Donghae!” I snap out of my trance, glancing at you. “Are you even listening to me?” you ask, rolling your eyes in annoyance, but your grin doesn’t fade—you’re too gleeful. I don’t do anything to wipe it away; your happiness means more to me than even my own life.

“Sorry,” I chuckle, blinking away any remaining dampness. My actions come naturally even as my mind numbs in fear of misspoken words; my mouth speaks as it has done for the years of our friendship. “I was just spacing out… But, you and Eunmi on vacation together, huh?” I grin lewdly, cocking one eyebrow suggestively, my insides clenched in disgust at the thought.

You laugh and punch me on the arm, no real vigor backing the attack. “Shut up,” you grin and laugh it off, but you don’t comprehend that I was serious in my unasked question or that I can nearly feel my heart ache beneath my ribcage as I realize that you never denied my teasing innuendo. You laugh a bit more but quiet down, the atmosphere around us suddenly serious… almost sullen.

“What is it?” I ask, already knowing that something important is on your mind. You sigh and smile, knowing that I’ll always be able to read your emotions before you even speak your mind.

“I was just thinking that you and I don’t hang out a lot anymore,” you muse, and I nod my head in agreement.

“You have a girlfriend, Hyuk,” I laugh. “We can’t hang out as much as before, obviously.”

You laugh and turn your body, resting you back against mine. We stare at the sky together, watching clouds pass above our heads in glorious silence. I catch a few clouds that remind me of old memories, things I know you would have remembered, too, but I don’t bring any of them up, letting those moments fade into the crevices of my mind as the clouds slip by, away, and over the horizon. I don’t know how long we passed like that, but the pressure of your spine began to feel uncomfortable digging into my back, and you shifted sideways, as if reading my mind. The silence is broken by your movement, and both of sigh, moving forward. You rise to your feet, dusting off your dark blue jeans, and watch you from the ground.

“It’s going to be getting dark soon,” you note, and I nod, rising as I understand what you’re getting at. “We should chill together more often.” I smile and nod, again, agreeing.

“Yeah, I’ll see you around, Hyukjae.” You raise your right hand in farewell and leave the clearing; I hear your footsteps crunch through dead leaves on the dirt path ground as you walk. When I’m sure you’ve disappeared far enough, I sit back down, letting my feet soak into the water even further than before.

The sun is setting now, painting the sky with vibrant reds, yellows, and oranges, all of them creating scales on my feet that reflect the color. The grasses beneath me sneak up and tickle my calves, but I pay them no heed, lost in my own world of bliss, troubled by one problem and the domino effect created by it.

(I miss you, Hyukjae.)

It’s almost dark by the time I make it back home, slipping my sock and shoes onto my air-dried feet, toes now shriveled like prunes. I strip my clothes off and run the dirt off my body in the shower. The light bulb’s illumination doesn’t sparkle against the water the way the sun does—nothing compares. I ponder sleeping in only my boxers, but in the end, I change into my pajamas, pulling a sweater over my head to fend off the cold. When I fall asleep that night, cuddled in a blanked and a clownfish-print comforter, I remember the days when I was just as toasty because I was sleeping in your embrace. But that was before we grew up and realized that it was an intimate act, before you met the love of your life… before I realized I was in love with you.

The next morning is lonely. I wake up to the sound of birds chirping outside my window, but I close the curtains as soon as I rouse myself enough to slip out of my sheets. It doesn’t stop the noise, but the sunlight flooding my room decreases considerably. I sigh lowly, crawling back into bed and attempting to steal a few more hours of sleep before I am called for whatever fills my agenda for the day. For once, I just want to have a day of freedom, when I’m totally up to myself, and only me, but somehow I know a day like that would be a day wasted with dark clouds hanging over my head. I’m almost asleep when the doorbell rings, sending Bada off on a barking frenzy. It can’t be you, I know, since you would have left on your trip this morning, so I groan as I ruffle my hair, trying to make it halfway decent, and make my way downstairs, not enthusiastic about being social so early in the morning.

“Hae!” you nearly yell when I finally pull the door open, rubbing my eyes sleepily.

I blink a few times to make sure it’s you, but my eyes immediately stray to the person smiling widely behind you, waving vaguely with one hand and holding a purse in the other. I have to fight to stop staring at her, before she notices that I’m not looking at her pleasantly, but glaring daggers, and I turn my sight back to you, still confused. “I thought you already left, Hyuk…,” I mumble, still tired, and you laugh, the grin never leaving your face. You’re with Eunmi, of course. Your grin would never disappear on the same vicinity as her.

“We came to say bye, since we’re going to be gone for a week,” your grin widens, a feat I didn’t think possible, but my heart clenches. It’s not because of me. “So… see you, Donghae!” you laugh, and I slowly curl my lips into a smile. The wind outside blows past the windchime on my tree, making the area resound with twinkling chimes and the rustling of leaves—it instantly calms me.

“Yeah,” I raise a hand in a half-wave. “See you in a week.”
You pull me into a small hug, and I return it, hoping you can’t feel the way my heart pounds out of sync with yours, as fast as a hummingbird’s fast paced flapping. When you pull away, you flick me on the forehead, and I blink in surprise, pouting in mock pain. “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone, okay?” you remind me, and I roll my eyes; everything is so natural with you. I wave to you one last time, and before I close my door completely, I give Eunmi a small wave, too, which she happily returns. She’s your source of happiness; I can’t make that source unhappy.

(I want to hate her, but you love her, so I can’t.)

When I shut the door completely, I think about sliding down its entire length, like in those movies I watch when you pull me into them, but instead, I skulk to the kitchen, hunching slightly, and pull open the freezer, letting the cold air was over me. I stare into the contents of it for a while before sighing and turning around, ignoring the strawberry waffles completely—I never eat them without you. I wonder if they’ve expired yet.

I flick through channels on the television for the rest of the day, aimlessly listening to news spokesmen drone on about the horrors around the world or watching bad sex scenes from B-grade movies without much interest. I didn’t want to think about you and Eunmi, but I couldn’t help my thoughts from flicking back to our conversation the previous day; would you and your girlfriend really do it? I sighed and grabbed a pillow, burying my face in it, inhaling the scent of its cloth and wishing it was the scent of your shampoo instead. It’s the middle of the afternoon when I decide that I have moped around enough for one day, so I seek solace outside, but the cold weather doesn’t help brighten my spirits. The wind has slowed down, and now the crisp air chills me to the bone, but I remain outside, lying in the mowed lawn and staring at the cloudless sky. I wonder if the white puffs of fluff will return tomorrow, but I eventually grow bored and draw snow angels in the grass, all traces of them gone before they had even appeared.

(I get frightened by how quickly things can change.)

When it gets dark, I return back inside, hiding in my room before my mother can return from her work. It’s not that we’re not close; we’re just a bit awkward sometimes, and I don’t want her asking me what’s wrong. I know something is wrong, and I know why, too, but that reason wouldn’t be accepted. I shouldn’t even bother trying. I sleep early tonight, around seven or eight in the evening. There’s nothing else to do, so I snuggle into my sheets, curling up into a ball, and hoping I can encase myself in this protective covering for the rest of my life; when I dream, I feel impervious, soaring higher than anyone else.

The next five days continue like the first: lonely, chilly, and dull. I have nothing to do with myself, so I wander around my house, switching between watching television, surfing the web, and eating junk food I know is unhealthier than I can afford, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t go off of my family’s property a lot, instead deciding to spend the evenings in my backyard, either lounging in the grass or relaxing against an old tree stump. I don’t understand why I’m never bitten by the insects I see around the plants, minding their own busybody lifestyles, but maybe they’ve become accustomed to my presence. Taking care of the bites would give me something to do, at least, so I kind of miss it, but I end up taking back my words with a few mosquitoes find their marks on my arms and legs.

I’m woken up the next day, the sixth day of Hyukjae’s absence, by my phone vibrating loudly from under my pillow, where I keep it to charge. I groan slightly and blink the sleepiness from my eyes, still keeping my head on my pillow as I reach beneath it and pull out my phone, answering the call and mumbling a tired, “Hello?” into the receiver of my mobile.

“Donghae!” I hear your voice on the other end, and immediately, my brain begins to wake up. “You never greet me with a normal hello,” you laugh. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing much,” I laugh, and for the first time this entire break, I begin feeling alive. You’ve always had that effect on me; without you, I’m just a weeping willow, no breeze to pick my branches from rock bottom. “How’s your vacation?”

“It’s great!” you exclaim, but suddenly you pause, and whisper into the phone, so softly I have to strain to hear you. “Hey… Donghae…,” and a feeling of dread fills the pit of my stomach. Please don’t say what I think you’re going to say. “It was like three days ago or so,” your voice increases just enough for me to hear you. “Eunmi and I... we ended up sleeping together…,” you conclude, and I immediately feel bile rising until it hits the back of my throat, but I swallow it back down, ignoring the burning in my mouth.

“Y-you did?” I cough out, and I can nearly see your sheepish grin on the other side of the phone. Of course, you don’t regret it; it’s about time, anyways.

“Yeah…,” you answer. “We used protection, though!” I can hear your toothy smile. “Don’t worry about that!”

I try to chuckle, but I can’t bring myself to express any happiness. There’s a weight pressing down on my shoulders and my chest, and it’s making it hard to breathe while my heart keeps pumping blood to a body that doesn’t want to live anymore. Every breath I take is a reminder that it’s not a breath with you. I never believed heartache was possible until now, as I experience it myself. The image of you bent over Eunmi, kissing her and telling her how much you love her, won’t leave my eyes.

(What happened to “I’ll never betray you!”?)

“Hey, Hyuk,” I mumble out. “My mom’s calling me, so I have to go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Your response is delayed, and I imagine you nodding into the receiver before realizing it’s a phone call.

“I’ll be back in a few days!” you finish, and I hang up the phone, immediately running out of my bed and for the bathroom. I bend over the toilet bowl and puke out the remnants of my tiny dinner and snacks from yesterday, trying to rid myself of the image of you and her making love. I wash my mouth out with water when all I’m spitting out is saliva, gargling and spitting and rinsing as best I can, but the bitter flavor in my mouth remains—somehow I doubt it’s because of my regurgitation. I strip myself and turn on the hot water, bathing myself in it until my skin pricks at the slightest touch, sensitive from the scalding shower. The pain helps alleviate some agony, and I’m awake for the day, but I walk downstairs on trembling feet, open the door to the backyard, and spend the rest of the late afternoon and evening staring at the sky. There are clouds today.

(Everything moves too quickly; I can’t keep up.)

When you return back from vacation, Eunmi is around your arm, smiling and laughing while you mirror her expressions. Older couples across the street coo at how adorable you both are, how cute young love is. Winter break ends and I realized belatedly that it didn’t snow this year—it didn’t even freeze—but I don’t mind. I’ll pretend to be sick, anyways. I hold out without going to school for two weeks, until I have over one hundred missed calls and texts from you, and a countless amount of unanswered doorbells.

I’m forced to school by my mother after almost three weeks, and the moment you see me, I’m cornered, like a bird in a bird cage, no way out. “Where have you been, Donghae?” you growl and I avoid your eyes. I can’t see them right now; I can’t imagine the way your eyes would have lit up in lust for your special girl.

“I was sick,” I answer bluntly, and try to squirm away, but you slam your hands against the wall I’m backed up against, caging me in again. I can’t free myself, can’t get away. I look at your eyes with fear in mine.

“Why wouldn’t you pick up? Why wouldn’t you answer your door? Do you know how much I was worrying about you?” you nearly scream, and suddenly I’m infuriated. I will not be treated like a toy that bends to an owner’s every wish and demand. If I can’t have you all to myself, you can’t have me all to myself.  “Is this about Eunmi and I having sex?” you gasp, and I shove you away, two strong hands on your chest.

(You own my heart, not me.)

“It’s none of your business,” I snarl, and you immediately back away, shocked at my sudden one-eighty. I stalk away down the hallway, finding my classroom and taking my seat. When you enter class a few minutes tardy, our teacher takes one look at you and sends you straight to your seat, no discipline referral for tardiness required. The entire class can tell you’ve been crying; you haven’t bothered to wipe your tears away. You walk past the window and the sunrays reflect off your damp tear streaks. They shimmer and glisten, but not like scales.

There’s nothing different about the next month that passes. I avoid you while you chase after me, trying to regain a friendship I’m running from. Every time I see you, I’m reminded of her, of Eunmi, of how happy you sounded when you talked about how you and she went all the way. She is your happiness, and I can’t come in between you two—the more I contemplated my choices, the decisions I was now forced to make.

It’s with shaking hands that I find your name on my contacts list and push the button to start the call. You answer on the third ring, answering with a “Donghae?”, surprised I initiated a call. I vaguely wonder why you’re still awake since it’s the middle of the night, but I ignore my musings.

“Can you come to the bridge near the park where we first met?” I whisper, and I hear you scrambling around on the other end of the line.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” you say; I can hear the desperation in your voice, begging “Don’t hang up, don’t hang up,” but I sigh and end the call, turning around the staring back into the darkness in front of me. A single streetlight illuminates the bridge, and I rest my elbows on the railing of the metal structure, leaning forward to lick the taste of the wind and water combined, but there’s no breeze, I can’t see the water, and there’s nothing landing on my tongue. The streetlight flickers on and off while I wait, and I shift my position, leaning against the metal rail with my back instead of on it.

(I am too lost in my own forest of love. I’ve forgotten where that clearing is.)

I’m still standing against the railing with my head turned upwards, watching the stars as they blink on and off, losing track of which one is which when you arrive. “Donghae,” you stop jogging when you see me, flipping your hair out of your eyes.

“What’s wrong?” There are layers of concern in your voice—I can hear them—because you don’t know what’s wrong with me. I haven’t socialized with you in over two months; I’ve hardly talked to anyone.

I try to form a smile, but it feels like a grimace, and I flinch at my own inabilities. Hopefully, you can’t see me in the darkness. The wind picks up slightly, but the cables of the bridge obstruct it from reaching us; right now, I just need to feel that breeze through my hair, lifting me off the ground and helping me fly through my mind. “Hold on, I’m going over there,” I point at the ledge of the bridge, on the other side of the railing I was leaning on moments ago. It’s a complete capricious whim, but I follow through with it anyway; it suddenly feels like a good idea. Anything but standing here talking to you is a good idea at this point.

You stop and stare at me, gaping at me with large eyes. “Are you insane?” you hiss, glancing between me and the ledge of the bridge. “Donghae, that’s dangerous! It’s only a foot wide. It wouldn’t be that hard to fall and that would be the end!”
I look fleetingly at you, raising both my eyebrows. “It’s too stuffy on this bridge. I’m going over.” I sigh and throw one leg over the railing, stretching until it has a solid footing on the ledge. Carefully, I clench the railing and bring the other leg over, as well, turning and sitting down on the metal platform; I keep my hands behind me, holding onto the rods of the railing. You sigh from behind me, but I don’t bother looking back. I know you probably won’t follow me; you’re much too scared, never taking risks. You’re the protector, not the person needing protection.

(You know you’re my savior, never affording to put yourself in danger.)

I’m surprised when I feel the railing lurch against my back, and I see your first foot appear next to me. Two seconds later and you have your body over on the ledge, and you’re sitting down next to me, hooking one arm through the rods of the railing for extra precaution measures. “We shouldn’t be doing this,” you state, and I nod.

“We do a lot of things we shouldn’t,” I reply, and you glance over at me.

“What do you mean?” You reach your left arm out and clap it onto my right shoulder. I immediately feel comforted by your presence, your touch, but I don’t take back what I’ve planned to say.

“We fall in love, Hyukjae,” I answer. “We fall in love.”

You stare at me in confusion for a few seconds, wonder what I’m talking about. “W-what do you mean?” you mumble under your breath, almost to yourself, where I couldn’t have heard it if the night hadn’t been so silent. “Falling in love is the most wonderful thing that has happened to me…” Your wide eyes keep their sights trained on me even as I duck my head and stare down below.

“Have you ever stopped and wondered what it would feel like to love someone who loves someone else?” I pause before asking. Your head snaps towards me, but I don’t lift my gaze from the flowing water below, darkness obscuring even my sight of the river.

“Is that what’s been bothering you this entire time?” you gasp, gazing at me with wide eyes. “Donghae!” you start, and before I can interrupt, your spiel continues. “You could have told me! I would have tried to help you get over her or get her or at least been there with you! Donghae, why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend!” You end up panting softly, nearly hyperventilating in frustration and shock, but I smile sadly, and shake my head, still facing the air beneath us.

Our legs dangle wildly off the edge of the bridge, and the railing behind us digs into my back; my spine fits not so comfortably between two of the metal rods. “No… it’s not that…,” I mumble, sighing for the umpteenth time. I made up my mind to not utter the words caught on the tips of my lips for these two years. Even though I know you’ll mourn me, I could never ask for you to blame yourself for the events preparing to occur. I know that your precious Eunmi will help you move on from our friendship; I know you’ll find your happiness with her. Who am I to stop that? What kind of friend would I be? I’ve already made up my mind. I can’t say it now; I can’t ruin everything.

I lift my head and slowly turn to face yours. Even in the dark, I can see the expressions of your face, the shock and horror that wash over it as you realize the wetness staining my cheeks are silent tears. “D-Donghae…,” you choke out, but I shake my head again as more tears overflow the rims of my eyes. You reach your arms out, but I immediately clasp your hand in mine, ignoring the way sparks fly where our fingers touch. I pull your hands back to the railing and you get the message, gripping the metal rod for balance; I can feel the way your fist is clenched, angry knuckles more pronounced as you fight your better instinct to reach out and embrace me in your hold.

(It’s my turn to protect you.)

“Hyukjae…,” I breathe into the night, but you don’t acknowledge me, even the stars that twinkle in response to a million secrets better not witnessed seem to freeze in this moment. Time stops, and it’s only you and me. I reach a trembling hand up and hover it over your cheek, ghosting it over your skin. Goosebumps rise and trail up my arm from the way I can feel your night stubble, already growing on your cheek, with my light touches. “Hyukjae…,” I whisper again, and neither of us dare blink. My other hand’s grip on the metal railing, the only thing holding me up on the bridge, loosens slightly.

“Donghae…?” you exhaled, and I shake my head, tears dripping freely as I turn my head away, breaking our eye contact and the binding spell that had come over us. I kept repeating in my brain that I couldn’t tell you right now, I couldn’t ruin everything we had right now, in the few moments before I allowed myself to fall, and for once not be caught by you. “Please, Donghae,” you beg, and I can see tears welling in your own eyes. No, I can’t let you cry.

(You’ll still have your happiness.)

“Hyukjae…,” I lift the corners of my lips in a smile, but this time it’s genuine. I can count the number of times I truly smiled in the past two months on one hand. One finger, more like.

(Don’t say it.)

“My Hyukkie…,” I reach for your old nickname, one I haven’t used in over a year, maybe even longer. I turn my gaze back to your face, seeing your eyes widen and tears trickle from the corners of them.

(Never tell him.)

“I could never have told you,” I admit, and your eyebrows fly up behind your bangs.

“I-I’m your best friend, Donghae…,” you sniffle. “Why? Why couldn’t you tell me? I’ve always been right here!” you scream, and your voice echoes into the night, but I don’t flinch, staring into your brown eyes, illuminated only by the nearby streetlight and the stars shining above. I hadn’t even realized it was a new moon until now; I guess it will be a new start for him… for me… for us both.

(Stop it.)

“I love you, Hyukkie… That’s why,” I confess into the air, and let my words linger in the darkness. Palpable shock fires between us and I shake my head again, letting a laugh slip through my lips. The irony of the situation hits me all at once, and I cough, choking on a mixture of my own tears as strangled chuckles escape me. There’s nothing humorous here, but your tears have stopped flowing due to shock, and mine still cascade waterfalls down my skin.

(Why did I just...?)

My fingers unwrap from their hold, and my body, turned sideways on the narrow ledge, slips. I don’t fight my fall, and my legs carry my body further down, down, down. I’m falling. A sob dies at my lips the air is ripped from my body; the air resistance tears at my clothes and skin; my stomach plummets ten times faster than I really am; my hair whips into my face.

(Don't catch me.)

“Donghae!” I hear you scream, and you blindly reach for my hand, throwing yourself forward. At the last moment, you realize what that motion means, but it’s too late.


My fingertips reach up, outstretched for you, and you grasp at them in desperate horror. “Donghae!” you scream again, and the same terror in your voice is reflected in my eyes. I did not want this. Our hands clasp with our fingers intertwined; you pull me towards you, and my body slams onto yours, sharing an embrace. A final embrace; I already know what’s going to happen—we both do.

“Donghae…,” you sob quietly, frightened, scared, worried, devastated, but you rethink your words moments later. We don’t have much time; it’s too late. “Thank you, then…” you whisper in my ear, “for loving me.” I stare blankly above, towards the stars, the sky, and the black ocean that surrounds us on all sides. The lone streetlight that lit just our faces cannot be seen anymore.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper back, and I am. I want you to forgive me, but I know you can’t.

(Let me catch you; please, let me protect you.)

The darkness invades all my senses; I can’t see. There is no sunlight shimmering off the surface of the impending water. There is no wind pulling me in different directions. As we fall together, I close my eyes and let myself fall. Our feathers and scales vanish into the night.

We cannot fly, we cannot swim.

I hit the water first.

(I only hope I am strong enough to catch you.)
A/N: I wrote this just today (only today OTL) for the wingsandfins contest on AFF (too lazy to link it). Basically, the prompt was to incorporate "wings and fins" into your fic. ^.^
Hope you like it. 
P.S. I love writing character death.

Tags: best on journal (recommended), fic: scales of sunlight, genre: angst, genre: drama, genre: friendship, genre: romance, length: oneshot, pairing: eunhyuk/donghae, rating: pg-13
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